So, here I sit, on my couch watching Animal Planet. There are a pig and a goat with tennis balls on his horns play fighting. The pig is kissing, the goat is head butting.
So much has happened over the last month and I barely know how to go into it.
My son has run away for the third time in a month. He just got out of juvenile detention last Wednesday and was gone again on Monday. There is nothing I can say about it. If he wants to go out there and get high and pretend like he's a man, so be it. There's nothing I can do. I've tried being sympathetic (why did I just notice that the word has "pathetic" in it?); I've tried being a hardass; I've told him stories about when I was on the street. He doesn't listen. What can I do?
On the next sunny weekend day my little family along with some close friends are going to go out to my poppa's house and create a shrine on Austin's grave. My good friend, Melanie, has some Japanese maples that have sprouted up from seeds (?) dropped from her maple, and we are going to plant one where Austin is buried. I'm excited to make a real memorial. We're also going to have a stone carved--two of them, actually--and put one out there with her. I can finally think about her and not cry. I think I'm ready to move on. And so...
Monday James and I took the kids to meet a 10 month old golden lab mix through the Alternative Humane Society. She's a real sweetie and so we're going to bring her home tomorrow (Thursday) for a couple of days to see if she can get along with our cat and learn a few things about living with us. She has lived her whole life on a two-foot leash in a Shelton back yard, so she has no leash manners and she has never learned to stick around. She is also a little skittish because she's never really been socialized with people. However, she was really sweet with James and the kids and I, once she warmed up to us, and she's an eager learner. Her foster "parents" told us that, in the week they've had her, she has learned to sit and lay down, is crate trained and was potty trained in ONE DAY!!! So I feel confidence that it will work out. She's so sweet! They've been calling her Rory, but if she stays with us, we will call her Ruby (knowing me, though, I'll probably spell it in some screwy way like Rubee, or Roubee, or Roubie).
James is skeptical. Austin is the only dog he's ever had a good experience with and they shared a strong bond that he isn't feeling ready to replace. I explained to him that I'm not looking to replace Austin; there will never be another Austin. She was a one-of-a-kind dog--she was special and she'll always hold a special place in our family. But I am a dog person. I love dogs, I've always had dogs, and they're truly the best friends that I've ever had. Austin was the first one that I was ever with for the entirety of her natural life. All the others either were given away, went away with one of my family members or died prematurely. I explained to James that a dog-friend is the most accepting and loving friend I've ever had and I'm anxious to have that bond again. I can cry to my dog and she will never judge me or tell me that I'm being unreasonable, never offer advice or tell me right from wrong. He understands what this means to me and has agreed that we can give this new dog a test-visit.
I am waiting for a doula client to go into labor. Her "due date" passed this last Saturday, March 17, so she is four days postdates. I figured he was waiting to be an Aries and it seems that my prediction is true. Although he is her second baby and subsequent pregnancies are usually shorter, this boy was waiting to be an Aries. OK, little one, you are now an Aries, come out, come out wherever you are! I am very much looking forward to this birth and am axiously awaiting the phone call.
And, lastly, I have decided to put school off until next winter. With all the shit going on over the last month and a half, I got so far behind in my schoolwork that it was going to be nearly impossible to pass any classes. That's all I'm going to say about that right now.